How Forum Fuels My Life, Not Just Fills It

Understanding the role of Forum by Charlene Li

When people speak about Forum, one of the major factors that is brought up the most is the time commitment. Sure, there certainly is dedication required, but that doesn’t mean Forum eats up your whole calendar. Let’s face it, we’re all busy. Whether it’s running our company or making sure our family is fed (oftentimes both), there’s plenty in the day to fill up your time, so who needs another thing? But for me, Forum is fuel. It’s what makes all the rest of the noise manageable.

Understanding the role of Forum by Charlene Li

When people speak about Forum, one of the major factors that is brought up the most is the time commitment. Sure, there certainly is dedication required, but that doesn’t mean Forum eats up your whole calendar. Let’s face it, we’re all busy. Whether it’s running our company or making sure our family is fed (oftentimes both), there’s plenty in the day to fill up your time, so who needs another thing? But for me, Forum is fuel. It’s what makes all the rest of the noise manageable.

Feeling Less Alone in the World

I have been a part of a Forum since 2011. In fact, since I started, I’ve gone on to be my Forum moderator a couple of times. So I guess you could say that I’m deeply invested. Early on in my Forum journey, I learned just how life-changing it could be. And not in the ways you may think.

Yes, Forum helps you learn to be a better leader and a better business person. But it also helps you to be a better person altogether. On a deep, deep level, you are surrounded by people who truly care about you - not what kind of car you drive, or how that big meeting went for the investors. They are there to remind you that “no, you’re not crazy”. And when things are hard, they are there to tell you that, “yes, it’s hard, but we’ve got you.”

Having your sounding board through thick and thin, and knowing that it is 100% confidential, makes it easier to trust in the process as you go through life. You’re not alone in this world.

Feeling Less Alone in the World

I have been a part of a Forum since 2011. In fact, since I started, I’ve gone on to be my Forum moderator a couple of times. So I guess you could say that I’m deeply invested. Early on in my Forum journey, I learned just how life-changing it could be. And not in the ways you may think.

Yes, Forum helps you learn to be a better leader and a better business person. But it also helps you to be a better person altogether. On a deep, deep level, you are surrounded by people who truly care about you - not what kind of car you drive, or how that big meeting went for the investors. They are there to remind you that “no, you’re not crazy”. And when things are hard, they are there to tell you that, “yes, it’s hard, but we’ve got you.”

Having your sounding board through thick and thin, and knowing that it is 100% confidential, makes it easier to trust in the process as you go through life. You’re not alone in this world.

Learning to Grow in the Mundane

Forum isn’t just about the feelings aspect, though there is a great emphasis on that. Sometimes it can be practical, too.

I remember one of our retreats we went on, we brought in someone who was an expert in meditation. And of course, when everyone thinks about meditation, we think of sitting in silence and avoiding all thought. And sure, if you have the time, you should absolutely aim for that. However, on this retreat, we learned that there are many different ways to meditate while doing seemingly mundane things. From hand-washing meditation to eating meditation, the main goal is to be present. And I can’t tell you how incredibly helpful that simple lesson has been throughout my life since.

Taking that moment to be present in the simple things gives you the space you need to tackle the more challenging stuff.

Learning to Grow in the Mundane

Forum isn’t just about the feelings aspect, though there is a great emphasis on that. Sometimes it can be practical, too.

I remember one of our retreats we went on, we brought in someone who was an expert in meditation. And of course, when everyone thinks about meditation, we think of sitting in silence and avoiding all thought. And sure, if you have the time, you should absolutely aim for that. However, on this retreat, we learned that there are many different ways to meditate while doing seemingly mundane things. From hand-washing meditation to eating meditation, the main goal is to be present. And I can’t tell you how incredibly helpful that simple lesson has been throughout my life since.

Taking that moment to be present in the simple things gives you the space you need to tackle the more challenging stuff.

Clearing to Build Trust

On the topic of challenges, the biggest, most important thing that I have learned from Forum is the importance of clearing.

Clearing the air, opening dialogue, and removing obstacles when you begin meetings or discussions is vital. I actually do this in every relationship in my life - from business to family, even with my co-author. You cannot build trust unless you are completely, 100% clear. With my book co-author, we found that having the ability to disagree openly and without resentment has been a game-changer for us, and has allowed us to build a deeper sense of trust in one another while writing our book. And Forum opened my eyes to the importance of this.

I find that, if and when anything comes up, it’s best to clear it right away. Open the dialogue, discuss it, close it out. And if it comes up again, do it again until it’s clear. The sense of safety that comes from knowing that you’re able to speak about anything and everything with the people who matter means the world

Clearing to Build Trust

On the topic of challenges, the biggest, most important thing that I have learned from Forum is the importance of clearing.

Clearing the air, opening dialogue, and removing obstacles when you begin meetings or discussions is vital. I actually do this in every relationship in my life - from business to family, even with my co-author. You cannot build trust unless you are completely, 100% clear. With my book co-author, we found that having the ability to disagree openly and without resentment has been a game-changer for us, and has allowed us to build a deeper sense of trust in one another while writing our book. And Forum opened my eyes to the importance of this.

I find that, if and when anything comes up, it’s best to clear it right away. Open the dialogue, discuss it, close it out. And if it comes up again, do it again until it’s clear. The sense of safety that comes from knowing that you’re able to speak about anything and everything with the people who matter means the world

Honesty is Everything

Of course, we can’t talk about clearing without talking about honesty. To me, the essence, the very core and being of Forum can be summed up in the concept of honesty.

It is a tough thing, being truly honest. Especially with yourself. There’s always a reason we find to not be 100% honest - whether it’s to spare feelings or not wanting to have the hard conversations. But it’s within those hard conversations that we grow the most and offer the deepest of connections to one another.

And this is why I love Forum. There are very few spaces in the world where you can be truly honest without fear or prejudice. Forum offers that. But it also provides accountability with love. If you have been open and honest with yourself, your Forum will be there to support you and hold you accountable for the things you’ve decided to do. They will call you out on your BS when it’s needed and help you rebuild if you fail.

As I said previously, they are there 100% for you and none of the auxiliary stuff. If they see a pattern, they will call you out on it. And there are very few people in the world who will have those brutally honest conversations with you. I speak about Forum fueling me, but sometimes it goes further than that and actually lights a fire under you.

Honesty is Everything

Of course, we can’t talk about clearing without talking about honesty. To me, the essence, the very core and being of Forum can be summed up in the concept of honesty.

It is a tough thing, being truly honest. Especially with yourself. There’s always a reason we find to not be 100% honest - whether it’s to spare feelings or not wanting to have the hard conversations. But it’s within those hard conversations that we grow the most and offer the deepest of connections to one another.

And this is why I love Forum. There are very few spaces in the world where you can be truly honest without fear or prejudice. Forum offers that. But it also provides accountability with love. If you have been open and honest with yourself, your Forum will be there to support you and hold you accountable for the things you’ve decided to do. They will call you out on your BS when it’s needed and help you rebuild if you fail.

As I said previously, they are there 100% for you and none of the auxiliary stuff. If they see a pattern, they will call you out on it. And there are very few people in the world who will have those brutally honest conversations with you. I speak about Forum fueling me, but sometimes it goes further than that and actually lights a fire under you.

Deep, Wonderful Relationships

I think that one of the best, most underrated things to come from Forum in my life has been the wonderful friendships. My best friends have come out of Forum, and I truly cannot see my life without them. When I began speaking with Circle Space about this article, I was actually about to leave to spend some time with my friend from Forum.

That is not to say that you will be best friends with everyone in your Forum. Some won’t be “wine on the weekend” friends, and that’s okay. You still love them and the place they have in your life. I think it is important to remember that we see each other through it all - weddings, births, divorces, deaths. Everything. We see the light and the dark, and how could you not love the people who are with you through it all?

I don’t think we, as a society, speak enough about the importance of love and affection in a business sense. It’s a different sort of love and can often be just as deep and meaningful to the individual as a best friendship can. The relationships I have forged in Forum have been some of the most impactful, both in business and in my personal life. And I truly feel that I am a better person because of them

Deep, Wonderful Relationships

I think that one of the best, most underrated things to come from Forum in my life has been the wonderful friendships. My best friends have come out of Forum, and I truly cannot see my life without them. When I began speaking with Circle Space about this article, I was actually about to leave to spend some time with my friend from Forum.

That is not to say that you will be best friends with everyone in your Forum. Some won’t be “wine on the weekend” friends, and that’s okay. You still love them and the place they have in your life. I think it is important to remember that we see each other through it all - weddings, births, divorces, deaths. Everything. We see the light and the dark, and how could you not love the people who are with you through it all?

I don’t think we, as a society, speak enough about the importance of love and affection in a business sense. It’s a different sort of love and can often be just as deep and meaningful to the individual as a best friendship can. The relationships I have forged in Forum have been some of the most impactful, both in business and in my personal life. And I truly feel that I am a better person because of them

Feeding the Soul and Fueling the Future

Forum is so much more to me than just a monthly meeting. It’s a moment of time I carve out for myself and my Forum mates to be present and willing to serve - both myself and them. Forum gives me the fuel that I need to take on the rest of my life, and it gives me the safety to celebrate the wins and mourn the losses.

If I had only one recommendation to give about Forum, it would be this: pass on the gift of forum to others. My adult son has been a part of Forum for the past three years. He saw the impact of it on my life and wanted Forum to be a part of his. He's even served as a Forum moderator! The best testimony for Forum is the way you live your life. The people around you see how you, and as a result, themselves, are changed.

I look forward to many more wonderful, impactful years in Forum.

About the Author

Charlene Li catalyzes transformation as an expert on disruptive transformation strategy and leadership. She is an entrepreneur and NY Times bestselling author and has seen business, society, and the world undergo seismic changes. Her work includes writing books, speaking, advising, and coaching companies and their leaders and she's worked with 14 of the Dow Jones 30 companies.